the sweetness of a dream.

I was in a yellow Cadillac with the Korean DJ Girl, but it was a dream, so it was and it wasn't her at the same time in that half-certain well-it-couldn't-be-anyone-else way people in dreams aren't and still are who they are. Bench seats with the piping around roll 'n' tuck 1960s cream & red leather upholstery. We sailed along a highway as though on a cloud, sometime late at night, the dark isolating us, the headlights the only indication we were moving, the amber glow of an incandescent dashboard adding to the golden celestialiality of her skin as she drove. In the dream, I'd completely forgotten her pronounced antipathy towards cars, but maybe it was the undeniable comfort of the caddy that had compromised her.

[photo of Minji Money by Jamie Nelson.]

Moving next to her, I tentatively pressed into her lithe body, feeling the warmth beneath her dress. She exhaled slowly, looked half-sideways, and smiled, saying, "You know, it's been a long time since I actually cared about which pair of underwear I'd bothered to put on for anyone." Her eyes then completely left the road, head tilting, lips pressing into mine. We didn't care that for the next minute we weren't looking at where the car was going -- the caddy's firm boatlike alignment would take care of it all for us.

And then I woke up, smiling, for the first time in months.

It felt just as good as a real kiss, even better than some, her statement's sure thing intentions reassuringly comfortable and rewarding in its promise, a certainty of things to come.

It made me forget for a second the absence in my life. And the ability of the dream to make me feel this way makes me ask the question: If my mind can generate an experiential reality, or even if it can tap and let me into a quantum/parallel reality, then how much of a lateral concentration would it be to invoke that in the waking world whenever we need to? Would the technique require a particular meditation, or trance, or ecstatic movement, or lucid intermediary borderline semi-wakefulness, or some combination of the above to willfully breach that emotional barrier into the headspace that can just create its own internal gratification, or an external projection, or a borrowing from an actual tangential alternity of what a person needs or wants or desires?

From a Heathen Worldview, are these the Alfar either indulging us or becoming wrangled by us into the shapes we would most like to see? Or are we incidentally performing a subconscious mental galdr that makes fylgia forms from us and for us? Or are we actually picking a more attractive thread from the tapestry of Wyrd itself to follow? If engineered by our Gods or ancestral spirits, are these emotionally real pockets of dream experience meant to inspire us to greater deeds in this world on an interpersonal level? Or is there a technical elskamantic process to be found just inside of all this to mold the world into the shape of our very heart?

All I know is that I really, really want that kiss again.

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While a mostly happy bookstore fixture for over two decades, Guillermo Maytorena IV is currently willing to entertain your serious proposals for employment as a literary/cinema critic, goth journalist, castellan, airship pilot/crewperson, investigative mythologist, or assisting in a craft brewery. Should you be connected to any of the above or equally interesting endeavours, do contact him.

that is what it's like.

It is like watching a film every afternoon of the one you held most dear but can no longer have, and not being allowed to leave the theater.

It is like a burning anger inside that you can't explain, nor vent, and you know if you were to hurl it all forth from your throat, it would solve nothing, and still be just as much inside you.

It is like walking at the bottom of the ocean, against the deepest current, and you can't breathe, and your heart is being crushed in an abyss of helplessness.

That is what this feels like.

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While a mostly happy bookstore fixture for over two decades, Guillermo Maytorena IV is currently willing to entertain your serious proposals for employment as a literary/cinema critic, goth journalist, castellan, airship pilot/crewperson, investigative mythologist, or assisting in a craft brewery. Should you be connected to any of the above or equally interesting endeavours, do contact him.

a monday kind of love.

Maybe it's like George Sand & Chopin, or Henry Miller & Anais Nin. There's these bright shining passages of transcendent passion, but even if things don't work out, it's the achieving of those highs for a time if you're lucky enough to receive them that will live on in glory in your heart and within the hearts of others, in the story that hopefully gets told of your life.

In my desire for peak experiences maybe that's what I manifest for myself, instead of a long-lasting mediocrity, or hanging onto a faded shadow of what was once a past joy, but unsustainable, as most do.

Still, I miss my marriage, or I miss the ideal of marriage, the construct of permanence, an inviolate safety & sanctuary I'd thought I'd had and have lost through no fault of my own. I bet my emotional bank on my wife, a person who'd oathed by the Gods to keep troth with me, and it didn't work out. It was fucking crushing at a level I'd never experienced before. If after that a divorcé never lost hesitancy, or remained boundaried, or stayed emotionally guarded for the rest of their life, no one could blame them from learning those safeties from their deeply hurtful experience.

What is enough? What is needed? Are those wants just larger fears and shortcomings of self that actually have nothing to do with the other person, or are those needs real? And is my happiness with who I am a strength, or does my self-satisfaction rob me of the ability to change? It's not that I don't change, but my whole life I've changed so glacially, with consideration & care at such a slowly studied degree that my self-love will allow. If that change doesn't come at a rate or time that another person wants me to change, then what does that cost me or protect me from? But if I change for someone else, do I then become someone better or worse, or just someone different, someone less recognizable, a face in the mirror that has kept another's love but in a sacrificial ratio lost self-love, and possibly one's own center?

My writer's logic allows me to understand, to frame it in a way that gives it context, but my unquenchable romanticism, the feelings themselves, break my heart.

Again.

And again.

And I write about it, again, like an eternal return, a fire that never dies, a burning ship, a battle that is instead a brutally wanted kiss.

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[for K and the 68 Mondays.]

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While a mostly happy bookstore fixture for over two decades, Guillermo Maytorena IV is currently willing to entertain your serious proposals for employment as a literary/cinema critic, goth journalist, castellan, airship pilot/crewperson, investigative mythologist, or assisting in a craft brewery. Should you be connected to any of the above or equally interesting endeavours, do contact him.

i'm hit but i can make it.

I. so. feel. this.

Thank you artist Matt Straub for your pop romancification of the Hollywood Western, though those motifs have nothing to do with why I relate to this particular cowgirl. And for those motifs, Jackson Crawford & Amy Novelli, I hope you know this guy's work, as you'd probably like it.

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While a mostly happy bookstore fixture for over two decades, Guillermo Maytorena IV is currently willing to entertain your serious proposals for employment as a literary/cinema critic, goth journalist, castellan, airship pilot/crewperson, investigative mythologist, or assisting in a craft brewery. Should you be connected to any of the above or equally interesting endeavours, do contact him.

announcing NorsePlay's blog!

As promised, NorsePlay has a new home here:

So if you've followed my Norse Mythology-related content on G+, NorsePlay is where it'll be re-housed post-G+ and enthusiastically continued. If you've liked the NorsePlay-headed entries here, do follow that focus on NorsePlay. Just hit the blue Follow button on the left hand side of the NorsePlay page.

Given my Heathen Worldview and that I'll still be writing both blogs, Dark Entries will probably still have some minor overlap of this material, but in the main NorsePlay's where you want to be for your Norse-centric post needs. Thanks for following here still and now on NorsePlay!

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While a mostly happy bookstore fixture for over two decades, Guillermo Maytorena IV is currently willing to entertain your serious proposals for employment as a literary/cinema critic, goth journalist, castellan, airship pilot/crewperson, investigative mythologist, or assisting in a craft brewery. Should you be connected to any of the above or equally interesting endeavours, do contact him via LinkedIn or in the comments below.

importing content to Dark Entries, the new NorsePlay, & the closure of GooglePlus.

While I could vent for a whole entry about Google's short-sighted betrayal of millions of loyalist users in closing GooglePlus this April, I've contacted the owners with solid advice to keep their underappreciated but quite good online network up, and signed a petition, which is the best follow-through I can do.

Lacking an established VR-based Internet 3.0 site to setup a cyberhome on, I've decided to instead take a break from social media until new acceptable networks have improved structures for interactivity, custom fine-scalable filtering tools, and most importantly permanent nodes for users & their content. Until that evolves, I'm instead using my already established & dependable blog for my online presence.

Words aren't going anywhere no matter how sophisticated digital expression gets.

Thanks to the Google Plus Exporter (so much gratitude to coder Alois Bělaška), I'm shifting one of my G+ collections' content from my profile to here, and a second collection into a new subject specific blog. This means a few years of my most worthwhile & thoughtful social media back content will be integrated into these blogrolls. If you've followed me on both Dark Entries & G+ you'll be witness to the redundancy, but I know the re-runs hold up. If you only follow me here, there will be many new to you but backdated entries to enjoy, share, & comment on.

Dark Inscriptions, my microblog sounding-off reactionary smallform version that compliments this one, will add ~100 entries here, and adorn this Dark Entries blog which you already know & love. While I'd reserved this blog for mostly longform pieces as per my journalism degree background, this merging will change that format in future to both short & full posts here. Hit the follow button in my Blogger-specific subscribe box and stay tuned.

When launching my new NorsePlay blog, there will eventually be 400+ curated shortform posts, re-posts of the few longer NorsePlay entries from here, plus a longform writer's statement about the importance of NorsePlay to start it off with. If you've followed my Norse Mythology-related content on G+, NorsePlay is where it'll be re-housed and enthusiastically continued. If you've liked the NorsePlay-headed entries here, do follow that focus on the forthcoming new blog. I'll announce when the new site publishes in a new post here soon.

This dual archive of content will appear gradually, as each backlogged post will need a slight manual format adjustment to fit Blogger's pages, so rest assured you won't get a megaflood of notifications once you subscribe to either or both of my blogs.

[Well, now the G+ closure narrows that choice down, really.]

While this change is born of disappointment in GooglePlus' lack of vision & self-imposed defeat, the relocation to here will give my content more standalone stability. And the pro-active & specific audience it deserves -- that's you. Thank you all for your new & continued readership & personal enthusiasm.

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While a mostly happy bookstore fixture for over two decades, Guillermo Maytorena IV is currently willing to entertain your serious proposals for employment as a literary/cinema critic, goth journalist, castellan, airship pilot/crewperson, investigative mythologist, or assisting in a craft brewery. Should you be connected to any of the above or equally interesting endeavours, do contact him via LinkedIn or in the comments below.

Dark Entries faces The Horror of The Red Room!

Dark Entries finds itself honoured by guesting on the Ruminations from the Red Room podcast for the fourth time! This installment surprised us with the completely unannounced subject of The Horror! Luckily our Gothic background finds us excessively overprepared.

Listen to us here.

Host Mitch, co-guest Mike, and I discuss the whyfors of the genre, the psychological versus the outré, the lowbrow slasher against the classic aesthetic, why book to film translations have to jump a high hurdle to even get close to print, what was that first moment where The Horror crept into your childhood, personal paranormal incursions, and more blood dipped beastliness.

While I had suggested the title Rötschreck in the Red Room, Rötschreck being the "Red Fear" of fire or sunlight from Vampire: the Masquerade, I find that this word doesn't actually seem to exist outside the tabletop gaming world, so Mitch prudently went with Recoil instead. So much for my faux-German vocabulary.

Hear about my encounter with a chupacabra, a poetic waxing on the Vincent Price/Roger Corman/Edgar Allan Poe films, extrapolate as to the amorphous nature of what a ghost might be, ooooh Kate Beckinsale moments, the monster as protagonist, and other Dark Entries-styled fare. And yes, my blog is calling from inside your house, and your children are already dead. Spooked? You should be.

[Vincent Price smolders under the shadow of the bat.]

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While a mostly happy bookstore fixture for over two decades, Guillermo Maytorena IV is currently willing to entertain your serious proposals for employment as a literary/cinema critic, goth journalist, castellan, airship pilot/crewperson, investigative mythologist, or assisting in a craft brewery. Should you be connected to any of the above or equally interesting endeavours, do contact him via LinkedIn or G+.

And then I found myself saying: "I've been to the Isle of Dogs; I saw no dogs."

And then I found myself saying:

"I've been to the Isle of Dogs;

I saw no dogs."

your baby is an obsolete resource sucking idea.

After watching Ron Howard's cinematic adaptation of Dan Brown's Inferno just before seeing Marvel Entertainment's Avengers: Infinity War, we noticed that goals of both antagonists was immediate elimination of half the population of the planet/universe to save it. We also have memories of The Alex Jones Channel's documentary Endgame: Blueprint for Global Enslavement which mentioned an odd monument, The Georgia Guidestones, which states as its first guideline:

"1. Maintain humanity under 500,000,000 in perpetual balance with nature."

David Icke posits that Hollywood has a way of preparing humanity via entertainment, himself citing the use of advanced aliens in cinema for a reveal of the ancient cabal of reptilians who he believes secretly runs the world.

I'm not saying these two prominent conspiracy theorists along with these two popcorn films have any connections with each other, or an agenda to introduce the idea of population control, but it makes you reflect on this problem. The population needs controlling, or we should terraform Mars sooner than later, especially when we're going reverse engineer cancer cells to extend our lifespans, or achieve transhuman singularity to become immortal.

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While a mostly happy bookstore fixture for over two decades, Guillermo Maytorena IV is currently willing to entertain your serious proposals for employment as a literary/cinema critic, goth journalist, castellan, airship pilot/crewperson, investigative mythologist, or assisting in a craft brewery. Should you be connected to any of the above or equally interesting endeavours, do contact him.

and this is why Buddy's hip-hop name is Lil' Teef.

In the musical production of domestic tracks, I re-rhyme songs to integrate his name in my completely unacceptable vocals for our mutual amusement, and at night I listen to the low sub-bass loop of his steady deep breaths that lulls me to sleep like someone singing. It's a fair trade. Still, at some point he's going to chime in and rhyme back using full words. I can see it in his eyes.

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While a mostly happy bookstore fixture for over two decades, Guillermo Maytorena IV is currently willing to entertain your serious proposals for employment as a literary/cinema critic, goth journalist, castellan, airship pilot/crewperson, investigative mythologist, or assisting in a craft brewery. Should you be connected to any of the above or equally interesting endeavours, do contact him via LinkedIn or in the comments below.