Fetishy Barbarella for the New Millenium: Ultraviolet Ultra-Disappointing.

"Ultraviolet" ramps up with a title sequence of nonexistent comic covers, showing adaptations of the action heroine drawn in styles from golden age through modern. Unfortunately the film itself more resembles a gutless Image title -- all arty flash with only semblance of substance.

Set in a technologically advanced late 21st century where a biolab accident has created a highly contagious race of blood-drinkers, a civil war ensues between humanity and the new breed of faster, stronger hemophages. Guarding humanity from the forces of infection is Vice Cardinal Ferdinand Daxus (Nick Chinlund of "Desperate Housewives") who creates an antigen that will wipe out their vampiric adversaries. Enter Violet (Milla Jovovich), who will stop at nothing to save the oppressed hemophages from destruction. Neither side comes across as likable however, even if the vampires are better dressers.

Model/singer/actress Jovovich brings the experience of "The Fifth Element" and "Resident Evil" with her as the heinie-kicking hottie, and there's no lack of her in skintight apparel shooting, cutting, and mad-dogging thousands of faceless guards. Loaded moments play her as an over-the-top fetishy Barbarella for the new millennium, but none of it is enough to support the film's shortcomings.

[Okay, that sword's admittedly bad arse.]

"Ultraviolet" unapologetically borrows from many successful films, including "The Matrix", "Underworld", and even an element from "Pulp Fiction". Supersaturated digital grading imparts an airbrushed look to everything, which is so heavy at times it gives a "Tron"-like appearance to the setting, nicely complimented by a neat techno-orchestral soundtrack. But for all its slickness, the story shows its cards halfway through to become predictable. And as soon as that happens battles lose their dramatic impact, the characters flatten out, and enemies meet their demise -- so why even care?

Given a few more screenplay treatments this movie could have been exceptional, and there's the shame of it. Instead, it was ultra-disappointing.

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While a mostly happy bookstore fixture for over two decades, Guillermo Maytorena IV is currently willing to entertain your serious proposals for employment as a literary/cinema critic, goth journalist, castellan, airship pilot/crewperson, investigative mythologist, or assisting in a craft brewery. Should you be connected to any of the above or equally interesting endeavours, do contact him via LinkedIn or G+.